1. Someone insulted my grieving coworker and made it look like I did it
Recently, one of my coworkers who is on the same team as me lost her cat to cancer. Her manager set up a virtual greeting card for our team to sign. I signed the card today and left this message: “I’m so sorry for your loss, you and Fluffy were lucky to have each other” and left it at that.
A few hours later, another coworker slacks me with this message: “Just a warning that everyone can see what you wrote. You still have time to change or it, or you can own it, I guess.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but figured it was about the greeting card since the only other things I had written that day were emails or reminders that he wasn’t included on.
I clicked back into the greeting card and saw that the message I wrote had been replaced with one insulting my coworker and her cat. However, when I went to change it back to what I had actually written, my original message was in the draft field. I sent it again and saw that it was the right message, but now I’m worried. What if someone else besides the coworker who Slacked me saw the offensive message? I told the person in charge of the card what happened, but I’m worried she won’t believe me and will think I’m just trying to cover my butt. Was I right to let her know? Should I also let my boss know?
Also, other teams have set up virtual cards on the same site for other coworkers, but now I’m scared to sign those cards in case this would happen again.
You should let your boss know because one of your colleagues did a really horrible thing and tried to make it look like you did! Who sends an insulting message about the death of someone’s cat? And tries to pin it on someone else? That’s seriously messed up behavior, and if I were your boss I’d sure as hell want to know that someone on my team did something so crappy.
You can frame it this way: “This is such a weird thing, but after I left a condolence message in the card for Jane, someone changed it to something absolutely horrible, insulting Jane and her cat. Somehow they made it look like it was mine. I was disgusted and changed it back to my original message, but I didn’t know it was possible for someone to do that so I wanted to flag that for you, as well as the fact that someone on our team did such a cruel thing to someone who’s grieving. I figured you’d want to be aware of it.” As long as you let your natural horror at their message show, and as long as you aren’t known in your office for being the kind of person who insults people in condolence cards, it’s very unlikely that your boss or Jane will think this was an elaborate plot by you to insult her and then backtrack.
2. Can I go over my manager’s head to ask that she have a lighter workload?
I’ve worked at my company for about a year and a half. My manager started in our department a few weeks before I did and is a first-time people manager. She’s great at her job, friendly, gives clear advice and feedback, and really wants me to grow in my role. We get along well. We’re both in our late 20s.
My issue is that she’s very clearly extremely burnt out. I have a good glimpse (but not a full picture) of her workload, and it’s just too much for any one person to handle. She’s mentioned that she feels burnt out and, from our one-on-ones and daily chatter, is clearly very stressed and overwhelmed nearly daily. My own workload is fine; it’s a lot of work, but I come from a related industry known for harsh deadlines and no work-life balance, so I’m comfortable here in comparison. I’ve asked to take more off her plate to even the load and I’ve been able to take on a little more, but there’s not much more within the realm of both our roles that I can do.
I know my overall company is kind of a mess and I think the only reason my workload is as comfortable as it is is because of her. I know she’s advocating for herself but, from my viewpoint, her workload is only getting heavier. I’m really worried she might burn out or need to quit. Selfishly, I’m worried that my job here will be way more unpleasant if she leaves, but also, I’ve experienced burnout and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Would it unreasonable to talk to her manager and express concern that too much is being asked of her? I don’t want to make it seem like she’s doing badly at her job (she’s not!) and I don’t want to seem patronizing or anything like that. I think if I ask her first she might insist it’s unnecessary; she’s talked along those lines before. I just wonder if another voice advocating for her would be helpful or harmful.
Don’t do it! This is very much between your manager and the people above her; trying to advocate for her is highly likely to come across as undermining to her. If she wants to address her workload with her manager, she needs to do that herself. Having someone she manages go over her head will make it look like you don’t think she’s capable of accurately assessing and addressing her own work situation, or like she’s been venting inappropriately to you, or even like she asked you to advocate for her. If someone who reported to me did this without my knowledge, I’d be pissed — you don’t know how it might blow back on her or make her look like a weak manager.
I know you’re not seeing it that way — you’re seeing “I like this manager, know she’s overworked, and want to make sure we don’t lose her” — but the hierarchy will make it play out really weirdly.
3. Is it alarming to get a job offer after only one interview?
I had a zoom interview last Thursday. I thought it went well. Yesterday I got an offer letter. Salary and benefits are good, however being an Xer, I was a little taken aback by an offer after a 45-minute interview, especially when I hear horror stories about seven rounds of interviews.
It is a young company (2021) with founders who seem to be very driven. There have really been no other red flags.
Am I being paranoid or is there any cause for alarm? They gave me a week to sign the offer letter and I would start two weeks after that.
A lot of places still hire after only one interview! It’s not uncommon. But the big question for you is whether you have the information you need to make a decision. Do you have a good enough understanding of the job, the team, the manager, and the culture? Do you have big questions that are still unanswered? Have you had time to do other research on the company to make sure you know what you’re getting into (like what I describe here)?
If you don’t feel like you have enough information to make a decision on your side, it’s completely fine to say something like, “Would it be possible to set up a call this week so I can ask some remaining questions? I didn’t get a chance to ask everything at our earlier meeting and I want to make sure I have a full understanding of the job and the team.”
Related:
should I be worried by a hiring process that’s just a single 30-minute interview?
4. My laptop is disgusting
I just started a new job I am very excited about! The laptop given to me when I started was clearly used before. I just sat down to clean it up with some rubbing alcohol today.
It’s filthy. I didn’t notice because I dock it at home and at work. I am talking greasy film over all the keys on the keyboard. There is dust. I pried out some food stuck under the keys. It smells. IT SMELLS.
This is a decently resourced organization. How would you handle this?
My laptop is also disgusting but at least it doesn’t smell (and somehow it’s less gross when your own grubby fingers are the source of the mess). But sometimes I see it through someone else’s eyes and am horrified and then immediately clean it.
But laptops should be cleaned in between users!
In any case, it weren’t for the smell, the most practical thing would be to just clean it yourself — but I’m assuming there’s nothing you can do about the smell on your own. Can you go to IT/whoever issued you the laptop and say, “This came to me in really bad shape, with greasy film on the keys and food stuck in it. I’ve cleaned it as best I can but it still smells. Can I swap it for a different one or can we get it cleaned?”
5. My interview is tomorrow and I’m sick
I have a (virtual) job interview on Friday, but I’m currently sick and sound it. I’m hoping that I will sound better by Friday, but what’s the threshold for sounding congested/hoarse in an interview? Obviously if I’m still coughing up a storm every time I try to string two sentences together by the time the interview comes around, I need to cancel, but I’m unsure about what to do if I feel fine but still sound sick. I suppose the question here is twofold:
1. If I am too sick to keep the interview, how much notice should I give to reschedule and what should I say? And how sick is too sick? If I can talk fine, but still sound congested, is that okay? Or should I wait until I fully have my voice back?
2. If I’m well enough to have the interview at the current time but still sound a little hoarse/froggy, do I acknowledge it at the beginning of the interview? “I’m getting over a cold, so apologies that I still sound a little hoarse, but I’m excited to meet you….” or something like that?
If you feel well enough to do it (no brain fog, not exhausted, etc.) but just sound hoarse or congested, you should be fine proceeding. Just briefly and cheerfully address it at the start of the conversation — “excuse my voice, I’m getting over a cold but excited for this call” or similar.
If you’re too sick to keep the interview, try to give a day’s notice if you can (but if you can’t, then as soon as possible the morning of the appointment). And you can simply say, “I’m so sorry about the late notice — unfortunately I’ve gotten sick and am looking increasingly unlikely to be better in time for our interview tomorrow. Would we be able to reschedule for next week?”
If it weren’t virtual, my advice would be different; in that case, even if you’re confident you’re not contagious, your interviewers won’t be and it’s not a good idea to make your interviewer worry you’re exposing them to an active infection.
#insulted #grieving #coworker #job #offer #interview #Manager
