There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
1. My boss and coworkers keep giving me plants (#2 at the link)
My question was low stakes, and my update is as well. To answer your question on why everyone was giving me plants, my boss and most of my team were all middle-aged women who just really love plants. My boss had a garden of plants in her office, and I think assumed that since they brought her joy that they’d bring everyone joy. Her love of plants rubbed off on the team. Plus, in many situations they’re easy to give as gifts, especially in a situation like mine: I have several severe food allergies and intolerances, so when people would normally get a cake or something, I got plants.
My plant killing days are behind me now. Due to reasons entirely separate from the plants, I left the old job in mid-2022. Before I left (and with a lot of help), I kept a succulent alive long enough that it had many plant babies. I repotted those and gave one to each team member on my last day, which they all loved. The original plant died a week after I left, in a surprise to no one.
At my new job, my coworkers asked if I wanted a plant early on for my desk. I told them “only if they want to watch the plant die over the course of a few weeks” and they laughed and never asked again. I admire my coworkers plants from a distance, and I decorate my desk with pictures of my dog.
2. As a manager, should I not wear a “childless” shirt in my off-hours?
I did not buy the sweatshirt.
I did spend some time thinking about your comment at the end — about how I placed myself in the preferred category due to being childless. I am nonbinary/transmasculine myself (“don’t ask, don’t tell” with regards to work, so I’m assumed to be a woman there). I am young enough that someone can still assume children are in my future, so some hypothetical sexist boss could both give me bonus points for the “will have kids eventually” assumption and at the same time not “mommy track” me. I also have never really personally experienced weirdness around not having children — most of the people in my circle are childfree, so there’s no one breathing down my neck about kids. But I have heard the horror stories about how weird people can get towards childless women! I completely agree that it can get women can’t win when it can go weird either way.
Thanks for taking up the question and for all the commenters who weighed in!
3. How should I respond when employees complain about financial stress?
I got so much wonderful feedback, both from you and your readers. It was especially interesting to engage in a conversation surrounding what compensation looks like at nonprofits versus private companies, and how that dovetails with privilege and diversity in this sector.
I heeded the advice I received to continue serving as an empathetic sounding board to my employees who were voicing concerns about their financial struggles, while also working on not taking those conversations so personally. I am happy to say I continue to increase pay when I can as well as to expand non-monetary benefits. In general I have had less of these conversations which affirms to me that some of my employees may have simply been facing challenges in their personal lives and saw me as a safe place to share those frustrations.
4. My new coworker’s annoying habits are driving me mad
My colleague was late coming into work a couple of times and said he was going to a physiotherapist to work out some muscle and joint issues. His fidgeting really was due to pain and discomfort. Treatment seems to be helping.
If he texts while I am talking, I stop talking and ask him if he needs a minute. This seems to have addressed the issue. I guess he was unaware he was doing it? Or unaware that it was rude? I’ve also noticed that he used to pick up his phone during meetings, and he no longer does that. I’m not sure if he noticed that no one else did that, or if someone else mentioned it to him. I think he’s still adjusting to professional norms.
I read through the comments. Many thought I just needed to deal with it, and, yeah that’s part of the job of working with people. Many of the commenters suggested various neurodiversity possibilities. That had occurred to me before (we do work in a technical field), but I did wonder what difference that would make to how I would respond. The only thing I could think of is that maybe I would be more direct; instead of expecting him to be able to recognize non verbal cues, I could tell him directly. So I tried that. Whenever it wasn’t a good time for me, I told him. Feeling like I have better control over my time and space has helped my attitude a lot.
#plants #childless #shirt #Manager
