I graduated into the recession and took some time to find a job. As a result, after living in an apartment in college, I moved back home. My initial job was much lower-paying than I’d hoped for and I owed student loans, so I couldn’t move out right away. And so on.
Cut to now, I’m in my mid-30s, a high-level manager in a good-paying job, and I still live in my childhood bedroom. At this point it’s for multiple reasons: I’m single, I have no desire to have a roommate, and it’s not good for my mental health to live alone. I’m not a mooch; I pay decent rent and provide to the general household. My parents work odd hours so I cook dinner most nights and buy groceries and other needs on top of rent.
I don’t know what to say or how to address (or dance around) my living situation if it comes up at work. I have subordinates who are younger than me who live on their own. I have an awful commute, so from that perspective it doesn’t make sense for me to live where I live. And I make good money! But most of my friends and family live nearby, I’m happy having a support network in my house, and I don’t want to live with a random roommate.
How do I address this if it comes up? Do I just never talk about my home life? Do I lie? My industry is pretty big on building personal relationships (for good reason) so I can’t really just avoid the topic forever. Previously my supervisors and some coworkers knew my situation, but I’m with new coworkers in a new division at work after my promotion to the senior level, so nobody in my current area knows much about me yet.
You like your situation, you’re happy with it, and it works for you. I say own it!
People are likely to take their cues from you. If you sound embarrassed when you say you live with your parents, they’re more likely to think there’s something embarrassing about it, or that you see it as a failing in some way and so they should too. But if you embrace it, they’re a lot less likely to take it that way.
This works with all kinds of things! It’s the difference between responding to “what did you do for New Year’s Eve?” with an embarrassed-sounding “oh nothing, I couldn’t find anything to do” versus “I stayed home and watched movies and gorged myself on cheese and it was amazing! Highly recommended.”
In fact, I’d argue it’s a social good to openly and enthusiastically embrace stuff you genuinely like but which society is weird about — whether it’s living with your parents or being a hermit or loving polka music or having separate bedrooms when you’re married or whatever — because the more people who are like “I do X and it’s awesome!” rather than treating X like a dirty secret, the more comfortable other people will be doing X. That’s especially true when you have workplace capital to spend, which as a high-level manager in a good-paying job you probably do.
So:
* “My parents and I live together!” (said in an enthusiastic tone)
* “I share a house with my parents!”
* “I share a house with my parents and it’s awesome!”
* “My parents live with me — it’s really nice.” (I think “my parents live with me” rather than “I live with my parents” is an interesting linguistic swap.)
* “I share a house with family; we all like each other so it’s worked out well.”
You will probably get some “I could never do that” type comments, and that’s okay! You can respond, “Yeah, it’s not for everyone, but it works really well for us!” And that’s it. Don’t feel you have to hide it or justify it. This is how you live, you like it, and that’s fine.
#feel #weird #telling #coworkers #live #parents #30s #Manager
