1. Is it reasonable for our office to go so fragrance-free that we have to change every product we use at home?
On the basis of your advice, I did raise the issue with my immediate supervisor, who felt that the guidance was clearly advisory rather than mandatory, and declined to raise the issue with the executive who had initially shared it. In the end, people settled into three or four groups. Most people, myself included, made some amount effort to accommodate the request, mostly in the form of leaving the cologne and scented lotions off for the day. I’m not sure that anyone went to the extreme end of compliance and actually changed out any products they use – if they did, I didn’t hear about it. Ohers ignored the guidance entirely.
Unfortunately, several people concluded that the best approach was for them to be absent from the event, and this is where the most harm happened. Those who felt excluded were exclusively minorities. They were all women, they were all people of color, and your mention of “it’s the only lotion that works for their eczema” turned out to be particularly prescient, although in this case it was the only detergent that works for her eczema.
Ultimately, there it rested, with the worst of both worlds. We’re still remote and haven’t had another major in-person event since. If another event happens, and the guidance is shared again, I now have the confidence and the data to push back harder. And until then, a cautionary note for us all: professionally and personally, when accommodating one person, make sure you don’t accidentally exclude another.
2. Rambling coworker is monopolizing our trainings (#2 at the link)
I appreciated your suggestion, especially since this is my first “real” full-time office job. I did end up following your advice, and our trainers tried (at least for a while) to manage the situation by asking us to hold our questions until a break or submit them in writing for the end of a session. Ultimately, that wasn’t sustainable. Partly because our trainers didn’t have any supervisory authority — they were just employees in similar roles who had been there for a number of years. In the end, I made it through training and am on a completely different team from the rambler. It was good advice, but I have come to learn that a large government organization is not very good at implementing any kind of change quickly or sensibly. I’m still here a year later, though!
3. I desperately need breaks between my back-to-back meetings
My update is pretty simple in that I found a new job where the culture fits my needs much better. One of the issues that led to my letter was that many of these meetings included the same people. For example, the 8-8:30 meeting was me, Nev, Max, and Kamie; the 8:30-10:30 was the four of us along with five other people, and the 10:30-12:30 was just me and Kamie. It made it really hard to be the one to push back when we were all dealing with the same situation and they had been rolling with it for 10+ years with no complaints that I ever heard.
Anyway, my new job has much more asynchronous work; in a typical week I probably spend as much time in meetings as I used to spend in a single day. This is freeing me up to actually get work done and leads to me being much more engaged in the meetings that I do have since I’m not doing panicked multitasking to try to stay on top of things. I felt a little ashamed to leave that job after only eight months but this was only the tip of the issues iceberg, and my new role is with an organization that rarely has openings so I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
Thank you for the advice; it was certainly helpful! I wasn’t able to engage much with the commentariat but I did read the suggestions and appreciate the empathy and assistance.
4. Propping my foot on my desk (for medical reasons) (#3 at the link)
My foot is no longer swelling so I don’t need to elevate it during the day but I’m still dealing with ongoing issues. I have a follow up with my podiatrist and orthopedic surgeon later this month. I never got any comments about my foot up on the desk, but I did strategically mention the situation to HR and a couple coworkers.
Our offices are still fishbowls despite many people requesting partial frosting or blinds.
I’m still painfully socially awkward which is why I was freaking out about the optics of this situation but I’m working on that too.
#fragrancefree #office #meeting #monopolizer #Manager
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